The Heart of a Man and Woman

Do you watch “Please be careful with my heart”? There was one scene where Maya asked her gay friend why men do not say “I love you” often. He told her that it is really in their nature and laughed about it.

Women complain about men; Men complain about women.

Science tells us that opposite poles attract, same poles repel but why do men and women end up with misunderstanding, break-ups and divorce?

We should understand the hearts of each other, our roles in each other’s lives and what we need in order to have a lasting relationship. I learned this from a retreat & I think it's worth sharing. :)

The Heart of A Woman

“Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” Proverbs 4:23

In our hearts, God planted basic desires that not only echo our feminine design but also reveal the desires of God’s own heart.

3 Core Desires

1. The desire to be romanced

Women long to be pursued, desired and fought for.

2. The desire to plan an irreplaceable role in a great adventure

“It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a suitable partner for him” Gen 2:18

Women want an adventure that is shared.

3. The desire to unveil beauty

“How beautiful you are, how pleasing my love, my delight” Songs 7:7

God already created us beautiful as we are. What remains is for us to see it, and then to reveal it to the world.

Most of our pains came from what the worldly lies that tells us, our desires cannot be met.

We have receive both direct and indirect messages that we are:

-not worth pursuing

-not needed

-not beautiful

As a result of this lies, we cover up for our inadequacy by being either two types of woman: dominating or desolate.

3 common problems with women in a relationship that leads to break-up:

1. They are insecure that leads to jealousy

2. They want to be assured all the time

3. They are too emotional

In short, “It’s all about me.”

We become that kind of women because of the saying, “Trust your instincts” that we give in to our negative thoughts and doubt men.

What we don’t know is that the evil one will always find ways to attack us because we are more relational by nature and we have the ability to improve and build up the lives of our brothers and sisters.

But we are not meant to stay in pain and our desires are meant to meet. Jesus points out the only way as being through him and his truth.

The Heart of A Man

3 common problems with men in a relationship that leads to break-up:

1. They go into a relationship without clear intention

2. They take women for granted

3. They look for what’s lacking

“And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart,

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul”

Most songs written by women are about the man who broke their hearts into pieces. You could feel their pain, sadness and bitterness.

These days, you would hear women say that, “all men are the same”.

God designed Man’s heart for Love, Adventure and for battle.

·      Man’s heart is called to pursue and love woman to ultimately reveal her mystery

·      His heart for adventure invites him to share this adventure with woman in a relationship that allows her to play her irreplaceable role.

·      His heart for battle calls him to fight for his beauty to rescue: woman

·      God made man’s desires compliment women’s and vice versa. A woman in the presence of a good man loves being a woman. A man in the presence of a good woman loves being a man. It is exactly as God planned.

Without God in their lives or without fully submitting themselves to God, men would not be content. They would “run around leaving scars”.

In allowing man and woman to have complimentary desires, God makes one support the other and our roles are played well and lives are enjoyed to the fullest.

God's mysterious ways

My heart feels so heavy. Palpitations. Insomnia.

Something went wrong. I haven’t been myself ever since the second week of August. I was lost, isolate. I tried to be normal but still every one noticed and kept asking me what’s wrong.

I was supposed to keep it all to myself but I have to let it all out at some point.

The thing is I forgot about to apply some of the important lessons I learned.

I have been told that I’m special, that I should not let other people take me for granted, that I deserve the best, that I’m worthy, that I can only control myself, that they’re blessed to have me. Etcetera.

This certain person made me forget all of this.

Some say I’m a Masochist. Even if I’m in too much pain, at the end of the day I still hold on to that person who caused it.

I feel it’s 2009 all over again but this time, no physical pain but more on emotional and mental.

It has affected even my job interviews. I was in “Loose association”, a Psychological disorder that means, “series of ideas are presented with loosely apparent or completely inapparent logical connections” or in Filipino, “Lutang”.

I wondered why I’m always the victim.

I don’t want any of this but I know it’s necessary.

I want to be in a quiet place, on top of a mountain maybe, or a retreat house near a lake, alone just to unwind, reflect and straighten up.

This is my fault anyway.

My prayer time went from jumpy to sentimental.

God has been sending me messages through people, scriptures, books, tweets, and pictures that everywhere I look, I see assurance, security and love. He was giving me everything I need.

It was a difficult time for me especially that some of my friends seeks me for advice regarding their problems that I feel I’m not the right person for them to go to because I can’t even fix my own.

But God’s ways are mysterious.

It’s amazing how he still used me to help them go through.

I may not be okay but I feel so fulfilling.

Now I understand what “Love until it hurts no more” means.

I guess Nursing characteristics + God’s wisdom = Purely altruism.

It’s not about me anyway, It’s about God.

And God wants us to forget ourselves when serving.

:)

Letters to God

Each of us has our own story. No one lives a perfect life. We know how chaotic the world is but when you look outside the box, you’ll see the beauty that lies beyond it. The problem is that sometimes we see it, most of the time we don’t because we’re too busy dwelling on our unwanted/ unwelcome circumstances.

Overall, God is in control. However, he allows mistakes in order for us to learn and grow. It’s necessary. Imagine how we would be if every thing is perfect. Probably, we would not thank God or we would not know him at all.

Problems bring us more closer to him.

In Letters to God, Tyler, a young boy fighting cancer, writes letters to God every day. His letters changed many lives.

As I reflect on the movie, I come up with 2 things.

1. I’ve imagined how life would be if every one would live their life like Tyler. He’s God’s message that says, “No matter what circumstance you are in, God will always have your back. Look at the bright side and live your lives to the fullest”. Easier said than done, huh? J  I’m having a hard time too but with God, nothing is impossible.

2. We are God’s messages of Hope

“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts” 2 Corinthians 3:2-3

We fail to see it because of failures, rejections and criticisms that we begin to question our worth. But God is bigger than any of it. We will always be worthy for him. Failures help mold us into someone God can use. Rejections bring us closer to our God given destiny. Criticisms give us motivation and strength.

May we always see the brighter side! :)

Relationships 101

In Billy Crowford’s interview, he said, “How can you find the right person if your not the right one yourself.” I slow clapped when I heard what he said because it’s true!

Relationships fail because we focus on what we feel instead of evaluating our readiness to be in a relationship.

How will we know when we’re ready? The answer is simple: Pray.

At a certain point, I was scared to ask God about what’s happening my life. But I learned that it is a step for him to lead me towards the right path.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

What will we be ready for?

In I Kiss Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris made his choice. He stopped dating until he’s ready for marriage.

Being in a relationship is not just about being boyfriend or girlfriend but what comes after is what matters.

“Single” doesn’t necessarily mean alone; we have our family, our friends, our colleagues and most of all, we have GOD.

God, your creator, already knows whom you’re going to marry before you meet them. Our task is not to discover who they are until we’re ready. We don’t have to worry about anything because he planned it perfectly. Waiting is not easy but we have other things to do before meeting that gift that God wrapped in gold and sealed with love, for us.

While waiting, we have to deepen our relationship with our father, the king of all kings, study his words by heart, and learn to evaluate our choices with wisdom. Through that, we would be able to know and love ourselves better, and radiate that love to other people especially your family and your future wife/husband.

These are the biblical passages on how to be a Godly Men and Women:

The Ideal Wife

Proverbs 31:10-31

When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.

She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.

She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.

Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.

She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.

She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.

She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.

She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.

She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.

She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.

She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.

Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.

She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.

She watches the conduct of her household, and eats not her food in idleness.

Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:

“Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.”

Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.

For the Godly Men
Ephesians 5

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructions for Christian Households

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Let us savor our journey towards being the right one for the person that God has prepared for us. Waiting is not easy, but every pain in waiting will be worth it in the end.

I’m praying that every one of us will always be guided so that we don’t need to be an astronaut just because we need space! HAHA!