17th

I have an extraordinary Dad. He wants to be the one who will drive me to school. He calls me different names like “kulit” and “darna” which makes me feel special.

We were always together, hand in hand.

I love sitting in his lap or being carried by him.

In playschool, whenever I see his car every dismissal, I jump for joy and run towards him then he would give me my milk and drive home or sometimes he would bring me to Mcdonald's or Jollibee to play before going home.

We have a sari-sari store filled with goodies back then. I loved everything! Candies, ice creams, soft drinks. Wow! But my dad would always tell me that it’s bad for me. I didn’t understand why.

Every time I’m bruised, my dad would wipe my tears and divert my attention.

He takes me to round trips just to put me to sleep.

He bought me a little tent where I would spend my whole day playing with my dolls until I fall into sleep. When I wake up, I’m already in bed.

One day, I saw him planting seeds. I asked him what he was doing. He told me that he’s planting trees for me to climb someday.

He wanted me to study in assumption so I did and he was so happy. He has big dreams for me.

That was the year that we rushed him in the hospital. I was not aware of what’s happening. All I know is that he has brain cancer and that he would be okay soon.

The hospital became our second home.

He asked me to recite “Little Boy Blue” (which our teacher told us to memorize for an oral recitation) and I saw how proud he is.

September 4, 1996. When my brother and I arrived at the hospital, we saw that our dad’s oxygen tank was outside his room. So I asked him if he thinks tatay could go home because they removed his oxygen already. He was silent and slowly opened the door. I was surprised to see that every one in the room was crying. I was lost for a moment.

He was gone.

For 16 years, I longed for a father not realizing that I never lost him.

I was blessed to have him as my earthly father. He may not be here but I know he's watching over us, making sure we're doing okay.

Like Tatay, God also wants to be involved in our lives. He wants us to walk with him hand in hand, to sit in his lap and to carry us when we can’t handle our struggles anymore. He wipes our tears and calms our hearts. He puts us to sleep. He planted desires in our hearts that grows every day. He has big dreams for us. He gives us more than any earthly father could give. 

Close your eyes, empty your minds, your hearts and feel it.

Happy 17^th Tatay!

We miss you so much.

We love you forever.

Dancing in The Rain

I.

I’m not a genius to know the exact words to tell you how I really feel

Words are just alphabets combined

And I doubt if it rhymes

Refrain:

Clouded with fear of falling again

You held my hand

And showed me the way

Chorus:

Now I’m dancing in the rain

In circles chasing your name

You’re the rainbow that never ends

The star that God has sent

II.

I’m just a simple girl

With a broken heart

In million pieces

Then you came and you proved me

That not all guys are same

(Refrain + Chorus)

Bridge:

I took one step forward

And the sun finally sets in

Still can’t believe you’re here!

(Chorus)

With you I’ll dance in the rain.

This is my very first song composition. I wrote this last year during “Habagat”. I don’t understand how and why I was able to come up with the lyrics and honestly I thought I was just inspired by someone but no.

After one year and one month, I realized that God placed these words in my heart because that’s exactly how I felt after graduating from CLP.

“I’m not a genius to know the exact words to tell you how I really feel. Words are just alphabets combined. And I doubt if it rhymes.”

-Words are not enough to express how I really feel. But I know God looks into my heart & understands what I want to tell him.

“Clouded with fear of falling again. You held my hand and showed me the way”

-I was filled with guilt, shame, regrets and fear of making mistakes and fail. God showed me to embrace my weaknesses and just hold his hand and follow. No matter how many times I fall down, he would never let go.

“Now I’m dancing in the rain, in circles chasing your name. You’re the rainbow that never ends, the star that God has sent.”

-God sent Jesus to save us from our sins. This represents my childlike joy that I was saved + chosen to serve him.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

“I’m just a simple girl, with a broken heart, in million pieces. Then you came and proved me that not all guys are same”

-Nothing compares to God’s love. He’s the only one who could mend the pieces of my heart and would not break it. He would never take me for granted or lie to me. His love endures forever.

My lover speaks, He say to me- A rise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come. Show me your face, let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet and your face as lovely. Songs 2:14

“I took one step forward. And the sun finally sets in. Still can’t believe you’re here”

-That moment when I said Yes to God’s call. He never fails to surprise me. I may be faced with different challenges everyday but He never left my side. There are times that I feel unworthy but God always tell me that I am. I will never be the same.

“With you, I’ll dance in the rain”

-I can go through whatever challenges I’ll be having in my life because God is always with me. He was the one who wrote our life story, he knows everything about us. And as a Father, he wants nothing but the best for us. All we need to do is to trust him and dance in the rain.

If you want to listen to it, go to https://soundcloud.com/kristinebee/dancing-in-the-rain. Please excuse my voice. I'm not that good in singing. Hehe!

God bless! :)

Just a Moment

I received a message from one of my friends last night saying, “Thank you for always being there for me even if I’m insensitive at times. I’m too blessed to have you. I feel that you’re the only thing that’s perfect in my life.”

I was shocked upon reading this it’s very unusual. So I asked her, “What’s happening bebe? Tell me if you’re ready.”

Then she told me, “I’m hurting too much. I was always praying for my family but everything got worse. My parents are separated already. My dad had an affair. I thought my dad was different, that he would never do such thing. Why did it have to end that way? I don’t know what I feel right now. God’s love for me is overflowing that I know he’s hugging me right now but it still hurts.”

My heart broke.

1. It’s almost her birthday

2. I met her dad. I can’t imagine that he would do that

3. She's a servant

So I reminded her that, “The more we become closer to God, more challenges will come. Hold on. God is always with you. He would not give you that problem if you can’t handle it. Through that situation, you would learn to fight and appreciate the little things that you have, more. Ask him for guidance, for strength. Pray.”

“Our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” 2 Corinthians 4:17

Last year, my best friend and I had a misunderstanding. It affected me so much that I don't want to attend the remaining review classes anymore because she totally turned her back on me. She's my only close friend at school. It's like "end of the world" for me.

My household head told me during our one to ones to weigh the situation. My best friend - My other friends. Then it made sense.

The “Weight of glory”

Burdens VERSUS Glory (Joy, Peace)

I may be sad about what happened but she's not the only friend I have. Instead of dwelling on it, I should be thankful. And just pray. So I did. I attended review classes, I was able to make new friends.

After a few weeks, she apologized.

We may not always see it, God has been providing breakthroughs and everything will change without us noticing it. Burdens lifted. The heavy becomes light.

Life is “just a moment”. Can't we endure any challenge for a moment? Can't we wait for our peace?

"Victory is just around the corner! Give everyday a second chance." <-My Favorite :p

Ber

It’s “Ber” month already. 115 days before Christmas, 122 before New Year!

This year has been pretty awesome. So much has happened.

September last year if I’m not mistaken, it was the month where the nursing department announced who would be graduating through a rolled piece of paper with pass or fail on it. It almost gave me a heart attack. Best day ever!

Then October… GRADUATION!

The Highlights of 2013

January: My 23^rd birthday. God made me realized how much I changed ever since I joined SFC. AHHH! *Tears of joy*. Every one who went to celebrate with me made my day really special.

February: Covenant (It was my first time to stand in front of our cluster to share about my reflection. STAAGE FRIIGHT! HAHA) + SFC ICON (International Conference) I learned so much about being God’s witness and to share it to the world.

March: I don’t know if I would consider this but it was the start of NLE review. Spell STRESS? HAHA.

April: Trekking at Mt. Pinatubo. Gassshhh! Speechless. It was so beautiful. God is amazing!

May: END OF REVIEW! YAY. HAHA.

June: BOARD EXAM + My first dish, Grilled Lemon Chicken :p

July: MMC Beloved. “Give everyday a chance. Your victory is just around the corner”

August: Danced in front of the Sector

September: Ber! Teddy-ber? HAHA. Coming soon! :p

It was also my first time to share my life before and after SFC in a CLP. I was prepared but I’m so nervous that when our leader asked what my sharing is about, I went blanked. She told me that I can do it and assured me that everything will be okay. I went to an empty bench and prayed after. My heart jumped when my name was called. But when I started talking, I was able to deliver it naturally, as if I was just talking to my friend. (When I was in college, I ditched public speaking because I was too scared to stand in front of a crowd.) This time I was able to do it. Praise God.

I ended my share with one of my favorite story I read during review days. I actually forgot the rest of the story that day that I panicked and called my friend to read the story again for me. Unfortunately, she was not able to find it. So I just told them what I remembered. But here’s the whole story:

At the time Martin Luther was having his Bible printed in Germany, a printer’s daughter encountered God’s love. No one had told her about Jesus. Toward God she felt no emotion but fear. One day she gathered pieces of fallen scripture from the floor. On one paper she found the words “For God so loved the world that he gave…” The rest of the verse had not yet been printed. Still, what she saw was enough to move her. The thought that God would give anything moved her from fear to joy. Her mother noticed the change of attitude. When asked the cause of her happiness, the daughter produced the crumpled piece of partial verse from her pocket. The mother read it and asked, “What did he give?” The child was perplexed for a moment and then answered, “I do not know. But if He loved us well enough to give us anything, we should not be afraid of him.”

When I read that story, it brought me into tears. She was not able to read the rest of the verse but it made her believe. It was a perfect example of FAITH.

“Walk by Faith, not by Sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7

Today is the first day of September. Whatever happens, remember that “God so loved the world that he gave...”  and he would give us everything we need in our battle called life. :)